FLAWLESS (2007)

Who's in It: Michael Caine, Demi Moore
The Basics: Caine recruits a disgruntled diamond-industry executive (Moore) to steal a fortune in rocks. And because it's set in London in the 1960s, the audience is invited to confuse cool period sets and costumes with "good old-fashioned heist action."

What's the Deal? This could have been a really cool woman-gets-revenge-on-the-Old Boy Network crime movie, but it never learns to enjoy itself and, worse, it bores in the process. It's sort of like Mad Money that way. But even that had Diane Keaton, who seemed to be enjoying herself. Anyway, if you want to see a vintage-looking British crime flick that's actually enjoyable, then check out The Bank Job instead.

Name Demi's Accent: Remember how Audrey Hepburn's sounded like it was from everywhere and nowhere at once? Maybe Europe? Maybe a fancy pocket of America? That seems to be Moore's approach to speaking here. She says words like "chahhnce" a lot. Meanwhile, other characters remind you she's supposed to be American (their voices and that information always looped in, off camera). At least she sounds better than Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Pedigree: From hacky director Michael Radford, who made the inexplicably popular Il Postino. That he also made the wacky stripper movie Dancing at the Blue Iguana sort of saves his rep for me. (I recommend it, not least for the scene where pole-dancer Jennifer Tilly screams about how her baby is going to grow up to be an elementary-school drug dealer.)

If Wigs and Shoes Were a Performance: Then Moore would be an Oscar nominee. Her hair doesn't reach the monumental heights it did in Bobby, which is probably one of the most impressive wig movies of all time, but she makes up for it by clip-clopping around in really high heels that the camera can't stop focusing on for some reason.

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